Coming up for Air

A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1

I’ve been a wife for nearly 6 years now, and a mom for 3. I would have never thought myself qualified for the many challenges that have been thrown my way. To be quite honest I am not qualified for many of them. But God always seems to show me a way.

 

Ever since I can remember I dreamed of being a wife and a mother. I can honestly say MY “dreams” did not come true. (stick with me) As a matter of fact I recently found myself at a place I never thought I would be in my life. A place of depression, and questioning my life’s decisions. I’m told I was suffering from post partum depression, but what ever it was I’m glad it’s starting to go away. I feel like I’m coming up for air and seeing more clearly than I’ve ever seen.

Raising kids turned out to be harder than I thought. Add 2 with special needs, and I felt like a sinking ship. When things went terribly wrong with my daughters health this past summer, my ship came crashing down, and I have been trying to fight my way back to the surface ever since, and I have found my way. It’s amazing up here!

The other day I was praying and asking God why he chose such an unqualified person for such a great task. God reminded me that he had been training me most of my life. He had put a desire in my heart at a very young age to be a wife and a mother. He had also put a burden in my heart for hurting children, and children with special needs. I guess somewhere along the way I forgot about how I had baby sat for hurting children most of my teenage life. I had also babysat for a “man child” with low functioning autism in my early adult life. One of my mom’s close friends has a daughter with special needs that I spent a lot of time with. Also, I was formally trained as a children’s pastor, and focused much of that time on children in crisis. Then later, after I was married, I had a job working with  adults with special needs. Needles to say God had been preparing my for HIS plan all along.

I’ve always wanted a house full of children, and I could not understand why my mom did not seem to support that. Now that I can see clearly, I know that it’s because I was not at a good place in my life. Certainly not at a place where I needed to be adding more children, after all I couldn’t seem to cope with the kids I already have. I was not being a wise woman and building my home. I was allowing my depression to tear it down brick by brick. I can say that whatever that place was, it’s gone. I have a new appreciation for my children. Don’t get me wrong, I have always loved them more than anyone could imagine, I just couldn’t imagine that I was the right person to parent them. Now I see that there is no one better, because God chose ME for them. Not anyone else ME! As it turns out I have been in training for them my whole life. So when I say my dreams did not come true, it’s because GOD’s dreams came true, and they are now becoming my dreams.

Man it feels good up here breathing some fresh air!