WTOW- Easy to Love but Hard to Raise Giveaway Results

We had several wonderful entries for this giveaway. I entered the number into a random results generator at Random.org and came up with comment number 1 as our winner. Here’s what she said

Kristina Osgood said...

Trying to explain the issues with family or friends and their comment "but she looks normal to me" has got to be one of the most discouraging things ever. It's frustrating to try making people understand what is going on when they can't see it themselves. And when they see a behavior or are with her during a seizure they pretend it a)didn't happen or b)"All kids do that".

Congratulations! I will be contacting you to get your book to you.

 

WTOW- Easy to Love but Hard to Raise (Giveaway)

Invisible disabilities. HMMMMM……… My family has our fair share of them. “Invisible? Huh?” An invisible disability is disability that majorly affects a persons life, yet may not be immediately apparent to an onlooker. You may not know this, but about 80% of all disabilities could fit under this category. For parents this can be so difficult. If I had a penny for all the times I have heard someone say something about my children “looking normal” I would be rich. (yes I said penny) For my family I faced my first challenges with professionals. ie; therapists, Pediatricians, etc. After we jumped over those hurtles, we still have to jump through hurtles of friends, church members, random stranger . This can make a parent feel lonely. So, we look for other mom’s with kids like ours, web sites, forums, support groups, books etc. When we find them it’s like a breath of fresh air. we realize we are not alone.

Easy to Love but Hard to Raise is like a breath of fresh air. it contains real stories from real parents. Parents in the trenches. this book contains tips, statistics, advice, hope, laughter, tears, and much more. The over all message of the book is to let you know that, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I am excited to announce that the wonderful people at Easy to Love Hard to Raise have offered to give one of you lovely readers a copy of this book. You have three days to enter this give away.

To enter the giveaway simply leave a comment telling me how your life is affected by an invisible disability.

*please make sure to include your e-mail address in your comment.

It’s the Little Things

He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.

Luke 16:10

When I was a child, my mother used to quote this scripture. It would aggravate me, but always held true. Now that I am older and married, and have children of my own, I still find this scripture to be true. I’ll be the first to tell you that I am not always faithful with the little things, but I try very hard, and I try to teach my children the same concept.

Autism, is a HUGE responsibility. One I have never felt ready for. No one really is. With Autism also comes other BIG responsibilities; Finding the right doctors, the right medications, the right sensory diet, IEP’s, community awareness, and Bio-Medical Treatments. Those are all big responsibilities. They take up lots of time, and lots of money. Ironically even though these are big things, they are usually easy to remain faithful to. We will jump through hoops to get to those appointments, and take out loans to pay for various treatments. But, the little things are often overlooked.

I am guilty. Guilty of forgetting that it’s the little things that make the biggest impact. Like getting a dog, or building block towers, or ensuring that strong shirts are always washed and ready each morning. The little  things like, playing board games, and spinning in circles until we can’t stand up, or sitting close on the couch. Those things are so important, but often get looked over because we are stressed out trying to remain faithful to the big things.

I’m not saying that the big things aren’t important. If they weren’t important, they wouldn’t be big things. What I’m saying is that we sometimes get so stressed over the big things, that we push the little things aside. We forget to make time for them. Then things start getting harder, and we stop seeing results. Because, those little things, are really big things.

I think that’s the true lesson my mom was trying to teach me during my childhood. I have recently begun looking at my sons needs, and re-assessing what little things I need to treat as big things. A few I can think of off the top of my head seem really simple, but if you have a child with Autism, you know that sometimes these things are easy to put aside, because it takes more time, or we are so stressed about what we consider BIG things, that we just don’t think about these.

Small things like stopping to pick up a fishing thing. This seemed like a really bazaar treasure, but I later found out he wanted this for his PaPaw who has a current obsession with all things fishing. This small thing, was really a HUGE thing.

Taking a picture of these guys seemed trivial in the grand scheme of our bird study, but my abstract thinker saw how the heads looked like a heart, and went home to draw hearts, from looking at this picture. 

Taking the time to wrap this baby in a towel after every bath, and hold him tight. I knew he hated to be touched, and baths always seemed so stressful to him then, I would wrap him, he would fight, but then he was calm. This seemed so silly, and no one really understood why I took the time to do this. It seemed so stressful, and a waste of time. After about 2 weeks he would ask for the frog towel. After about 4 months, he no longer screamed during bath time. After about 6 months, he would snuggle on the couch. After about a year, he would seek out hugs. We didn’t know then about him having Autism. He only just came to us. But that little thing, became a HUGE thing. It’s still a HUGE thing after 4 years.

I know this post was a bit unconventional for an Autism Awareness post, but I really wanted to encourage you mothers who are living this everyday. I know how hard it is to drop the small stuff. By doing so we often miss out on the big stuff without even knowing it, because so often the small stuff, is really the big stuff.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up

Galatians 6:9

Guest Post- Jennifer

First of all, I want to say that all day today I thought it was Thursday, so my posts are going out late. I am excited about todays post. I invited Jennifer from My Two Happy Homeschoolers, to share about her son. They are a truly amazing family. I hope you enjoy her story, and find encouragement.

 

We received our diagnosis for my son, Little Bean about a year and a half ago. He was 5. He is 7 now.

Last year, shortly after learning that Little Bean had autism, I wrote a post about grief. I wrote about how I had met a friend for coffee whose daughter also has autism, and about the stark contrast between her and I, between her child and mine. No, her child wasn't necessarily more high functioning, and no this friend didn't have access to better services than Little Bean did at the time. What she had that I didn't have was something else altogether.

Healing.

Acceptance.

Peace.

And much more.

She was okay.

A year and a half ago, I never thought I'd be okay again. I could barely speak my son's name without crying. I'd tear up when I saw how different he was from his peers. I stressed over where the money would come for his therapy. I felt like my whole parenting philosophy had been wiped out with this one diagnosis. Inwardly, though I never spoke the forbidden words, I feared he would never grow up and be "normal". And I wondered at what this other woman had that seemed so out of reach for me.

How did she get over the grief and move into acceptance?

How did she find hope and peace in her daily life with her daughter?

How was it that she so content with it all, and here I was clutching my paper cup of hot chocolate and embarrassing myself as I swiped my tears with a recyclable paper Starbucks napkin?

I think the answer to how it gets better may be a little different for everyone. But I do know that in time, it will get better. Not that your child will change, not necessarily.

But, you will change. And it will get better. You will get better.

Since November of 2010 I have been on many message boards for parents who have children on the autism spectrum. I've seen therapists, gone to classes, blogged about autism, spoken to other parents about autism, cried in front of friends and strangers alike, embarrassed myself or been embarrassed for my child, and much more. And what I see a lot is this message:

Autism is hard. Too hard.

And it IS hard. But I really believe that when you come to accept your child's diagnosis, when you've let yourself grieve and cry out to God, when you've had time to heal, when you've done all of this (and more for some), you will see that yes, autism is hard, but it's also beautiful.

My son, my son with autism, is beautiful. And part of the beauty that is him is his autism. A big part.

My son is wise. He thinks about things in ways I never could have. And many times, he has it right.

My son is passionate. He finds something he loves to do and he shares it with the world. When he loves something, he dives in deep.

My son is honest. He just doesn't lie. Ever. And for a seven year old, that's really saying something.

My son feels. Whether it be pain, or anger, or love, or joy, he feels it with such an intensity that sometimes it overwhelms him or me, or even the both of us.

My son accepts. In a world where people criticize and question when a person doesn't fit the mold, my son accepts. He embraces the different, he embodies the different, he IS different, and to him, different is always okay.

My son is all of these and so much more. Time has made me see this. Falling to my knees in prayer has made me see this. God in heaven has made me see this. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Yes, autism is hard. I won't deny that. But, autism is also beautiful. And my son is proof of that.

Jennifer

For more on Jennifer’s story be sure to check out her blog.

http://www.mytwohappyhomeschoolers.blogspot.com/

 

Sandra Peoples- Autism Awareness

Today, I am excited to have a guest post for you all by, Sandra People’s. Sandra is well know by her blog Heart for Him. Sandra is also the Author of an amazing book called, Speechless: Finding God’s Grace in My Son’s Autism

Today she is going to share a bit about something very dear to my heart. Please read, even if you do not have a child with autism.

Last fall I released a book on the first year after our son's autism diagnosis. In the book, I included a chapter about our first autism support group meeting. It didn't go well. No one really talked to us, we didn't relate to the topic, and I wasn't ready to accept some of the "worst case scenarios" the other parents were experiencing. 

But this year we tried again. A new branch of the support group was starting up in the town where my husband pastors a church. At the first meeting, no one really talked to us, we didn't relate to the topic, and because most of the families in the group had kids with Asperger's, having a non-verbal four year old who isn't potty trained meant we were the "worst case scenario" in the room. The meeting wasn't easy. But instead of giving up on the group like last year, we keep going. We are making friends. We are sharing experiences, encouraging and educating each other on what works for us.

What is different about this group and this experience? After a year wrestling with James's diagnosis and all that entailed, I was able to see that this meeting wasn't all about me.  I was starting to live out 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 which says, "Blessed by the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

Our church is passionate about reaching families of special needs kids. We have started offering respite night care, where our volunteers take care of special needs kids and their siblings so their parents can have a night out. Some of these parents have told us they haven't stepped foot in a church since their child's diagnosis.  My husband and I are able to say, "We understand. We empathize. But we have found comfort in God."

What these parents need is hope. Because I have hope in God, I can comfort them with the hope I have. I can point them to God, and because our church now has a passion for serving these families, I can point them to a body of believers who will love them and love their children--no matter what their special needs are.

Sandra Peoples

For more information about how your church can help support those individuals, and families with disabilities, please visit

Support for my Oldest Son

Please do not skip this post, even if you do not have a child with Autism!

April is Autism Awareness month. Like last year, I will be doing a post spotlighting Autism every Thursday. I have two awesome guest posts coming up the next two Thursday’s. They each spotlight their sons. Today, I want to spotlight my oldest son Christopher.

Autism affects 1 in 54 boys. Process that for a moment. 1 in 54. My son is one of them. Autism is hard, lonely, stressful, intense, confusing, angering, frustrating, heartbreaking, and life shattering. Autism does not affect just my son. It affects our whole family. It affects his, friends, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, church workers, and everyone involved in his life. I can tell you all day long about Autism, but until your life has been effected by it, you will not get it. OK, now we are back to the 1 in 54 boys. With those numbers it’s easy to say that at some point soon you will know someone with Autism. What will you do with that knowledge? Will you get involved? Will you run away? Will you learn? Will you ignore? Have you  ever thought about it?

I don’t know what you will choose, but I can tell you what has happened for my son. People have chosen to get involved, to supports us and him. The result has been astounding. My son is developing into a wonderful boy, and jumping over hurtles. His successes, may not be the same as other peoples successes, and I’m ok with that. Having people in his life who take the time to understand him, and to love him, and work with him, and learn about how to best support him, has made all the difference in the world. 

Having people support us and him has;

• Helped him develop friends
• Helped him learn compassion
• Helped him overcome obsessions (some anyways)
• Be able to play games
• Be able to attend bible study
• Be able to go to Children’s church
• Participate in library activities
• Stay with me in the a parking lot
• Learn to hug, and love
• Stay interested in learning
• Fit in so he doesn’t feel different
• Know that he is loved

My list could go on. Having support from those around us, is so important. At the beginning of this post, I listed a few things that Autism is. These were all negative things. Having support helps counteract those things for a family. When things are hard, someone is there to help it become easier. When it’s lonely, a friend is there. When it’s stressful, you have a listening ear. When it’s intense, they will lighten the mood. When it’s angering, they are there for prayer. When it’s confusing, they help you figure it out. When it’s sad, they will cry with you. Having support can change the face of Autism for a family and a child.

1 in 88, 1 in 54 boys. With those numbers, chances are you will have the opportunity to be a support to someone. We have been blessed to have supports in most aspects of our lives, but sadly that is not the case for everyone. It has not always been the case for us. There are many people who simply do not care to get involved, and there are many people who want to, but don’t know how.

Getting involved does not mean that you need to be an expert, or that you have to have someone close to you with Autism. Our supports have come in many different form.

• A friend who teaches their child tolerance
• The lady in the grocery store who caught him when he ran, and didn’t act like I was a bad parent
• The Mother’s Day Out teacher who read a bit about Autism and did everything she could to help him be successful.
• Grandparent’s who realize I am doing the best I can, and who are willing to learn to take care if that child’s needs, however different they may be.
• People who pray fervently for my children and family
• A children’s leader who takes extra time to figure out how to best include my kids
• A librarian who understands (or at least tries)
• The parents who are patient and kind and don’t stare rudely
• The friend who cleaned my house when things were to stressful, or brought sinner one night
• Those who consider my child's allergies, and are willing to make food they can have. 

As you can see there are MANY ways that you can be there to support someone who has special needs in there family. It’s doesn’t have to be hard. What will you choose?

Here are a few links that will tell you a bit about Autism. Please take the time to be informed. Remember the numbers. 1 in 88 kids in the USA. 

*What is Autism?

*My Child Has Autism, Now What?

*I think my child has Autism

*10 things you can do to help a family affected with Autism

Special Needs Homeschooling- Housework

Shortly after writing yesterday’s post, I went to the restroom and came out to find this. I thought that would be a great way to answer the question, “How do you do it all?” I DON’T!!!!!!!

At any given moment there are 3-4 loads of laundry to be done despite doing multiple loads a day.  I probably do 4 loads of dishes a day, and that does not always get done in a timely manner. Every time I get the boys room cleaned they go and do something like, dump muffin mix all over the floor. HAHA. Laundry is rarely put away, because I loath doing it. We do have chores as a part of our routine, and I don’t keep a nasty house, but it is simply not possible for me to keep up, and to keep my kids at home, and happy. There are certain aspects of our routine that are more important to our sanity than working myself to the bone keeping a spotless house.

So what does that have to do with Homeschooling Special Needs children? Well, we get school done at the cost of delayed housework, so I don’t do it all, I choose what is most important at that moment. If we are doing school work and having fun, then all of a sudden we are having a meltdown because I am also trying to do laundry, and dishes, and the sound of the dishwasher is to much, the dishwasher will be turned off, and we will probably end up with a full sink because of the delay.

We currently live in a small apartment, (moving soon) so school happens out in the open at our teeny tiny dining room table.

Both of my older children have sensory processing issues. The dining room/classroom is pushed up against the kitchen, making it impossible to not hear the dishwasher, Washing Machine, and dryer going. And so brings forth challenge of “doing it all”. And so I don’t!

You may be sitting there thinking, “But I thought children with Autism, ADHD, and the like, thrived in an orderly environment,?” They do!

Insert confession here> There are days when we “take a break” and get the house back in working order. It’s not the ideal scenario, and I am constantly attempting to improve my time management so that I can get it done, but I will say, pausing a load  of dishes and letting the sink pile up so that I can create educational success for my children, is worth it. 

I’m not giving you a license to live in filth. Remember, your children (any children) thrive in an orderly environment. But let’s face the facts. Many children with special needs have sensory issues, so the next time school is going well, and then all of a sudden it’s not, take a look at  your surroundings. What is going on? Is the dishwasher running? What about the washing machine? TV? Go ahead and let yourself and your child off the hook, and turn it all off. Who known's, you might just be able to accomplish several days worth of school work in one sitting. That could come in handy for those days where formal schooling is just not happening.

So in short, we struggle with sensory issues. I make accommodations at the expense of other things not getting done. Relax, peace is more important than an empty sink!

Isaiah 54:10

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

 

Sensory Possessing is a real struggle for our family and for many other families. Here are some links to a few great articles highlighting the struggle with SPD. If you are not familiar with SPD, you may find the information interesting.

•  http://confessionsofanondomestichousewife.blogspot.com/2011/03/autism-awareness-meltdowns.html
• http://mytwohappyhomeschoolers.blogspot.com/2011/08/challenges-of-homeschooling-child-with_01.html
• http://www.sinetwork.org/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html

I hope you somehow found encouragement in my post. I am certainly not a wordsmith, but if you stay tuned I will do my best to be open and honest about things that are hard for most to talk about.

An Odd yet Frequent Question

I get asked asked a question often that seems odd to me, but I guess in a way I understand. I was asked this question recently, and then I heard a hear wrenching story about an unwanted child, and it got me thinking. So what is the question? “If you had known about all of the health needs, and mental health needs of H & C would you still have adopted them?”

Every time I am asked this, I always say well, yes! But I am also stunned that people even ask this. It is kind of offensive. I’m perplexed that this is how people think. I mean, there are no guarantees that the child you gave birth to won’t have health issues, or mental health issues. If you knew that when your child was 6 he would develop a Brain condition and require surgery after surgery, would you still choose to have that child? When you give birth to a child, you have no way of knowing if they will develop Autism, or have ADHD, or develop seizures, or the many of unknown possibilities. You just take them as they come, and do your best to be the best parent you can be, and rely heavily on the Lord to get you all through. You love that child, because they are your child! It should be no different with an adopted child!

So in short, I may not have known about all the “issues” that would arise, but I did know some, and I would do all over again, because when God leads a child to your home, they are your child no matter how they got there. 

Make your own weighted Critter Piller

Weighted products such as, blankets lap pads and neck wraps are very popular tools in the world of Occupational therapy. One product I have found to work well with Christopher is a weighted neck wrap. We use this when he is having difficulty sitting for story time, or sitting at the dinner table. The pressure seems to help him calm down a little bit. Click the link below for a great explanation of why weighted products work.

http://www.sensorycraver.com/weighted-products-c-55.html

When I first started looking into weighted items, I saw how expensive they are and so I did not even try to get any. But then one day I saw a few Critter Piller in a consignment store. I decided to purchase them and make my own neck wrap to see how the work. I’m so glad I did. Making your own is quite easy, so here goes.

Directions:

1. Get a Critter Piller, or something like them. You can purchase a Critter Piller for about $10.00. I got mine for $3.00 at consignment. I like Critter Pillers, because they have zippers. :)

2. Open the back and remove half of the stuffing.

3. Spread 2lbs of butter beans evenly throughout the pillow. I used butter beans because they are bigger and can spread more evenly.

4. Place a layer of stuffing over the beans to keep them in place.

5. Zip and enjoy!

The best kind of Sensory Input for your Seeker

(Disclaimer: Please ignore the fat lady in the picture with Christopher)

I spent 2 weeks getting my son ready and prepared for our trip to the beach. I was concerned that his sensory aversions would keep us him from enjoying the beach. I had not anticipated that it would actually be very therapeutic for him. I prepared him well for the sand and I’m glad I did. But he spent most of his time in the water. The waves were a little bit rough and he loved feeling them crash against him, and the sound of the waves were very calming for him.  I have to say he was very well behaved, and I owe it all to the therapeutic power of the beach.

 

 

Sensory Bins- Beach

• Sand
• Foam Beach Pieces
• Cooking Brush
• Hand painted Shells
• Bag Clip
• Tweezers thing (lol)

Autism Awareness- Getting Involved

There are many ways you can get involved in raising awareness about Autism. It doesn’t have to just be the month of April. Even though it is now May, I wanted to share with you how my family got involved this past weekend.

On Saturday we rose early, and made our way to the FROGS walk for Autism 2011. It was a 3k, so I wasn’t sure how the kids would do, but they did great! I was so surprised at how incredible the event was. I was so proud of my son Christopher. At this event he conquered his fear of dressed up people (at least for one day), He didn’t fuss that he couldn’t have a snow cone with the juice, He responded wonderfully to  our new transition method, He settled for a picture of the pink shoe trophy and didn’t cry when we told him he couldn’t have it. Our family was truly touched to see the amount of people that came out. The pictures do not do it justice, but I will share them anyway.