WTOW- Easy to Love but Hard to Raise Giveaway Results

We had several wonderful entries for this giveaway. I entered the number into a random results generator at Random.org and came up with comment number 1 as our winner. Here’s what she said

Kristina Osgood said...

Trying to explain the issues with family or friends and their comment "but she looks normal to me" has got to be one of the most discouraging things ever. It's frustrating to try making people understand what is going on when they can't see it themselves. And when they see a behavior or are with her during a seizure they pretend it a)didn't happen or b)"All kids do that".

Congratulations! I will be contacting you to get your book to you.

 

WTOW- Easy to Love but Hard to Raise (Giveaway)

Invisible disabilities. HMMMMM……… My family has our fair share of them. “Invisible? Huh?” An invisible disability is disability that majorly affects a persons life, yet may not be immediately apparent to an onlooker. You may not know this, but about 80% of all disabilities could fit under this category. For parents this can be so difficult. If I had a penny for all the times I have heard someone say something about my children “looking normal” I would be rich. (yes I said penny) For my family I faced my first challenges with professionals. ie; therapists, Pediatricians, etc. After we jumped over those hurtles, we still have to jump through hurtles of friends, church members, random stranger . This can make a parent feel lonely. So, we look for other mom’s with kids like ours, web sites, forums, support groups, books etc. When we find them it’s like a breath of fresh air. we realize we are not alone.

Easy to Love but Hard to Raise is like a breath of fresh air. it contains real stories from real parents. Parents in the trenches. this book contains tips, statistics, advice, hope, laughter, tears, and much more. The over all message of the book is to let you know that, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I am excited to announce that the wonderful people at Easy to Love Hard to Raise have offered to give one of you lovely readers a copy of this book. You have three days to enter this give away.

To enter the giveaway simply leave a comment telling me how your life is affected by an invisible disability.

*please make sure to include your e-mail address in your comment.

Sandra Peoples- Autism Awareness

Today, I am excited to have a guest post for you all by, Sandra People’s. Sandra is well know by her blog Heart for Him. Sandra is also the Author of an amazing book called, Speechless: Finding God’s Grace in My Son’s Autism

Today she is going to share a bit about something very dear to my heart. Please read, even if you do not have a child with autism.

Last fall I released a book on the first year after our son's autism diagnosis. In the book, I included a chapter about our first autism support group meeting. It didn't go well. No one really talked to us, we didn't relate to the topic, and I wasn't ready to accept some of the "worst case scenarios" the other parents were experiencing. 

But this year we tried again. A new branch of the support group was starting up in the town where my husband pastors a church. At the first meeting, no one really talked to us, we didn't relate to the topic, and because most of the families in the group had kids with Asperger's, having a non-verbal four year old who isn't potty trained meant we were the "worst case scenario" in the room. The meeting wasn't easy. But instead of giving up on the group like last year, we keep going. We are making friends. We are sharing experiences, encouraging and educating each other on what works for us.

What is different about this group and this experience? After a year wrestling with James's diagnosis and all that entailed, I was able to see that this meeting wasn't all about me.  I was starting to live out 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 which says, "Blessed by the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

Our church is passionate about reaching families of special needs kids. We have started offering respite night care, where our volunteers take care of special needs kids and their siblings so their parents can have a night out. Some of these parents have told us they haven't stepped foot in a church since their child's diagnosis.  My husband and I are able to say, "We understand. We empathize. But we have found comfort in God."

What these parents need is hope. Because I have hope in God, I can comfort them with the hope I have. I can point them to God, and because our church now has a passion for serving these families, I can point them to a body of believers who will love them and love their children--no matter what their special needs are.

Sandra Peoples

For more information about how your church can help support those individuals, and families with disabilities, please visit

Support for my Oldest Son

Please do not skip this post, even if you do not have a child with Autism!

April is Autism Awareness month. Like last year, I will be doing a post spotlighting Autism every Thursday. I have two awesome guest posts coming up the next two Thursday’s. They each spotlight their sons. Today, I want to spotlight my oldest son Christopher.

Autism affects 1 in 54 boys. Process that for a moment. 1 in 54. My son is one of them. Autism is hard, lonely, stressful, intense, confusing, angering, frustrating, heartbreaking, and life shattering. Autism does not affect just my son. It affects our whole family. It affects his, friends, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, church workers, and everyone involved in his life. I can tell you all day long about Autism, but until your life has been effected by it, you will not get it. OK, now we are back to the 1 in 54 boys. With those numbers it’s easy to say that at some point soon you will know someone with Autism. What will you do with that knowledge? Will you get involved? Will you run away? Will you learn? Will you ignore? Have you  ever thought about it?

I don’t know what you will choose, but I can tell you what has happened for my son. People have chosen to get involved, to supports us and him. The result has been astounding. My son is developing into a wonderful boy, and jumping over hurtles. His successes, may not be the same as other peoples successes, and I’m ok with that. Having people in his life who take the time to understand him, and to love him, and work with him, and learn about how to best support him, has made all the difference in the world. 

Having people support us and him has;

• Helped him develop friends
• Helped him learn compassion
• Helped him overcome obsessions (some anyways)
• Be able to play games
• Be able to attend bible study
• Be able to go to Children’s church
• Participate in library activities
• Stay with me in the a parking lot
• Learn to hug, and love
• Stay interested in learning
• Fit in so he doesn’t feel different
• Know that he is loved

My list could go on. Having support from those around us, is so important. At the beginning of this post, I listed a few things that Autism is. These were all negative things. Having support helps counteract those things for a family. When things are hard, someone is there to help it become easier. When it’s lonely, a friend is there. When it’s stressful, you have a listening ear. When it’s intense, they will lighten the mood. When it’s angering, they are there for prayer. When it’s confusing, they help you figure it out. When it’s sad, they will cry with you. Having support can change the face of Autism for a family and a child.

1 in 88, 1 in 54 boys. With those numbers, chances are you will have the opportunity to be a support to someone. We have been blessed to have supports in most aspects of our lives, but sadly that is not the case for everyone. It has not always been the case for us. There are many people who simply do not care to get involved, and there are many people who want to, but don’t know how.

Getting involved does not mean that you need to be an expert, or that you have to have someone close to you with Autism. Our supports have come in many different form.

• A friend who teaches their child tolerance
• The lady in the grocery store who caught him when he ran, and didn’t act like I was a bad parent
• The Mother’s Day Out teacher who read a bit about Autism and did everything she could to help him be successful.
• Grandparent’s who realize I am doing the best I can, and who are willing to learn to take care if that child’s needs, however different they may be.
• People who pray fervently for my children and family
• A children’s leader who takes extra time to figure out how to best include my kids
• A librarian who understands (or at least tries)
• The parents who are patient and kind and don’t stare rudely
• The friend who cleaned my house when things were to stressful, or brought sinner one night
• Those who consider my child's allergies, and are willing to make food they can have. 

As you can see there are MANY ways that you can be there to support someone who has special needs in there family. It’s doesn’t have to be hard. What will you choose?

Here are a few links that will tell you a bit about Autism. Please take the time to be informed. Remember the numbers. 1 in 88 kids in the USA. 

*What is Autism?

*My Child Has Autism, Now What?

*I think my child has Autism

*10 things you can do to help a family affected with Autism

Special Needs Homeschooling- Housework

Shortly after writing yesterday’s post, I went to the restroom and came out to find this. I thought that would be a great way to answer the question, “How do you do it all?” I DON’T!!!!!!!

At any given moment there are 3-4 loads of laundry to be done despite doing multiple loads a day.  I probably do 4 loads of dishes a day, and that does not always get done in a timely manner. Every time I get the boys room cleaned they go and do something like, dump muffin mix all over the floor. HAHA. Laundry is rarely put away, because I loath doing it. We do have chores as a part of our routine, and I don’t keep a nasty house, but it is simply not possible for me to keep up, and to keep my kids at home, and happy. There are certain aspects of our routine that are more important to our sanity than working myself to the bone keeping a spotless house.

So what does that have to do with Homeschooling Special Needs children? Well, we get school done at the cost of delayed housework, so I don’t do it all, I choose what is most important at that moment. If we are doing school work and having fun, then all of a sudden we are having a meltdown because I am also trying to do laundry, and dishes, and the sound of the dishwasher is to much, the dishwasher will be turned off, and we will probably end up with a full sink because of the delay.

We currently live in a small apartment, (moving soon) so school happens out in the open at our teeny tiny dining room table.

Both of my older children have sensory processing issues. The dining room/classroom is pushed up against the kitchen, making it impossible to not hear the dishwasher, Washing Machine, and dryer going. And so brings forth challenge of “doing it all”. And so I don’t!

You may be sitting there thinking, “But I thought children with Autism, ADHD, and the like, thrived in an orderly environment,?” They do!

Insert confession here> There are days when we “take a break” and get the house back in working order. It’s not the ideal scenario, and I am constantly attempting to improve my time management so that I can get it done, but I will say, pausing a load  of dishes and letting the sink pile up so that I can create educational success for my children, is worth it. 

I’m not giving you a license to live in filth. Remember, your children (any children) thrive in an orderly environment. But let’s face the facts. Many children with special needs have sensory issues, so the next time school is going well, and then all of a sudden it’s not, take a look at  your surroundings. What is going on? Is the dishwasher running? What about the washing machine? TV? Go ahead and let yourself and your child off the hook, and turn it all off. Who known's, you might just be able to accomplish several days worth of school work in one sitting. That could come in handy for those days where formal schooling is just not happening.

So in short, we struggle with sensory issues. I make accommodations at the expense of other things not getting done. Relax, peace is more important than an empty sink!

Isaiah 54:10

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

 

Sensory Possessing is a real struggle for our family and for many other families. Here are some links to a few great articles highlighting the struggle with SPD. If you are not familiar with SPD, you may find the information interesting.

•  http://confessionsofanondomestichousewife.blogspot.com/2011/03/autism-awareness-meltdowns.html
• http://mytwohappyhomeschoolers.blogspot.com/2011/08/challenges-of-homeschooling-child-with_01.html
• http://www.sinetwork.org/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html

I hope you somehow found encouragement in my post. I am certainly not a wordsmith, but if you stay tuned I will do my best to be open and honest about things that are hard for most to talk about.

An Odd yet Frequent Question

I get asked asked a question often that seems odd to me, but I guess in a way I understand. I was asked this question recently, and then I heard a hear wrenching story about an unwanted child, and it got me thinking. So what is the question? “If you had known about all of the health needs, and mental health needs of H & C would you still have adopted them?”

Every time I am asked this, I always say well, yes! But I am also stunned that people even ask this. It is kind of offensive. I’m perplexed that this is how people think. I mean, there are no guarantees that the child you gave birth to won’t have health issues, or mental health issues. If you knew that when your child was 6 he would develop a Brain condition and require surgery after surgery, would you still choose to have that child? When you give birth to a child, you have no way of knowing if they will develop Autism, or have ADHD, or develop seizures, or the many of unknown possibilities. You just take them as they come, and do your best to be the best parent you can be, and rely heavily on the Lord to get you all through. You love that child, because they are your child! It should be no different with an adopted child!

So in short, I may not have known about all the “issues” that would arise, but I did know some, and I would do all over again, because when God leads a child to your home, they are your child no matter how they got there. 

Make your own weighted Critter Piller

Weighted products such as, blankets lap pads and neck wraps are very popular tools in the world of Occupational therapy. One product I have found to work well with Christopher is a weighted neck wrap. We use this when he is having difficulty sitting for story time, or sitting at the dinner table. The pressure seems to help him calm down a little bit. Click the link below for a great explanation of why weighted products work.

http://www.sensorycraver.com/weighted-products-c-55.html

When I first started looking into weighted items, I saw how expensive they are and so I did not even try to get any. But then one day I saw a few Critter Piller in a consignment store. I decided to purchase them and make my own neck wrap to see how the work. I’m so glad I did. Making your own is quite easy, so here goes.

Directions:

1. Get a Critter Piller, or something like them. You can purchase a Critter Piller for about $10.00. I got mine for $3.00 at consignment. I like Critter Pillers, because they have zippers. :)

2. Open the back and remove half of the stuffing.

3. Spread 2lbs of butter beans evenly throughout the pillow. I used butter beans because they are bigger and can spread more evenly.

4. Place a layer of stuffing over the beans to keep them in place.

5. Zip and enjoy!

Sensory Bins- Beach

• Sand
• Foam Beach Pieces
• Cooking Brush
• Hand painted Shells
• Bag Clip
• Tweezers thing (lol)

Autism Awareness- Getting Involved

There are many ways you can get involved in raising awareness about Autism. It doesn’t have to just be the month of April. Even though it is now May, I wanted to share with you how my family got involved this past weekend.

On Saturday we rose early, and made our way to the FROGS walk for Autism 2011. It was a 3k, so I wasn’t sure how the kids would do, but they did great! I was so surprised at how incredible the event was. I was so proud of my son Christopher. At this event he conquered his fear of dressed up people (at least for one day), He didn’t fuss that he couldn’t have a snow cone with the juice, He responded wonderfully to  our new transition method, He settled for a picture of the pink shoe trophy and didn’t cry when we told him he couldn’t have it. Our family was truly touched to see the amount of people that came out. The pictures do not do it justice, but I will share them anyway.

 

 

Autism Awareness- The Ugliness

A few posts back I wrote about a few things that were different about my Child with Autism. I focused on the positive side of things. While there are a lot of things that make my heart leap for joy, and moment that bring tears of joy, there are also a lot of things that break my heart. I call these thing the ugliness of Autism. Here goes,

It breaks my heart when…

• I think about how you tested on a 12 month old level when you were 23 months old.
• I hear people (I am guilty too) tell you over, and over, and over again to calm down, when I know full well that you would if you could, but it’s TOO LOUD!, TOO BRIGHT, TOO FAST!, in the room you are in.
• You wake up with awful night terrors
• You struggle to make and keep friends
• Teachers try to help, but end up telling me everything wrong about you all of the time.
• Allergies keep you from participating in activities, or when you do participate, you feel left out because everyone got a ring pop, but you got a bag of wheat Cheese It’s.
• You have a sensory meltdown, and there is nothing I can do about it.
• People think you are just being a brat because you won’t sit still in your seat.
• You scream and cry because you want to wear a fuzzy glove, but I know that if you do people will think you are strange.
• People don’t even try to understand you, they just make their judgment and inflict unreasonable expectations on you.
• I know you need therapies like OT, but we are put on yet another waiting list.
• You have to be restrained for something as simple as an ultra sound.

My list could go on for a while. I will not continue though because It’s really a hard list to make. however I hope that those who read this list will think about how the families of these children feel. Autism effects everyone in the family, and so many times people are not only insensitive to the child, but they pass judgment and fail to even consider the feelings of the mother or family members. I hope that this will make you think about things, and help you to be more compassionate.    

Autism Awareness- There’s an App for that, and other resources

Apps For Autism

If you have a iphone, itouch, or an ipad, There are tons of Apps for Autism. Some of our favorites are these free ABA apps By Kindergarten.com. In honor of Autism Awareness Month, all of their ABA apps will be FREE for the entire month of April.

click here to veiw all of their ABA Flash cards

Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) is a different way to teach and it is effective with people on the autism spectrum because the teaching method is a structured, direct way to learn.

iTunes apps can be used as a teaching tool for Applied Behavioral Analysis for the purpose of giving instruction for a skill or task or the apps can be used as a means to collect data for the analytical part of the Applied Behavioral Analysis process.

Here is a screen shot of one of the flash cards

 

My Favorite Web sites so far

http://www.tacanow.org  - One of the best resource sites I’ve seen. They are also a great support. I am a TACA Member

http://www.autismtoday.com – Love this site

http://www.spdbloggernetwork.com

http://specialneedshomeschooling.com

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com

http://www.sensorysmarts.com

Books I’ve read

Autism Awareness- How you Can Help

Autism can be extremely isolating for the parents. Our whole world has been turned upside-down.  A lot of times we feel like our friends have abandoned us, when in reality they just don’t know what to do. Also, people want to help, but don’t know how. Well, here are a few ways for you to help someone who has a special needs child.

• Be there for Mom & Dad when they need someone
• Call and check on the family
• Realize that doctors appointment run our days, and don’t be mad about it
• Offer to go to an appointment with Mom to help out
• Offer to keep the other kids during appointments
• Take dinner
• Offer to do laundry, or other housework
• Learn about Autism, and about the child
• Don't be scared away just because you don’t know what to do
• Don’t tell us we should just spank our kids and things will be better
• Pray for us
• Treat us like normal people, not someone to be pitied
• Offer to go grocery shopping for us (we would be more than happy to give you our lists and money)
• Invite us to parties (we may not be able to come, but an invite is still nice)
• Teach your kids to be accepting of people different than them
• Allow us to vent, and don’t try to fix things

This is just a list of things I can think of that would help me. I’m sure that other’s could add to this list. If you have any ideas of how people can help a parent of a special needs child please leave a comment. I hope this helps.  

Autism Awareness- Just the thoughts of a mom

As a mom, there are things you find extra special, and moments in your child's life that you want to record. Pictures are taken, your heart leaps for joy as your child gracefully meets each mile stone, and you hear those first words. You video tape their first steps, and everyone cheers the child says his ABC’s all by himself. There are also things that break your heart, and are not so flattering. Like, the first time your child falls down, or when someone is mean to them. You are equally heart broken with each and every fever, ear infections, scrape, bite, or bruise. Those things are the same when you have a child with special needs, but there are a few things that are different. Like, our children may take a longer time to meet mile stones, or never meet them at all. I thought I would share some things that are a bit different with my child with PDD-NOS.

My heart leapt for joy when;

• You decided to learn the names of your classmates after 3 months of being with them. 
• Your speech took off after 8 months of intense therapy. No one can stop you now LOL!
• You played with play dough for the first time at the age of 4
• You learned to snuggle, and hug, and give kisses. (you hated to be touched for so long)
• You slept through the night for the first time (last week)
• You said, “I love you”, and knew what it meant.
• You stood up for yourself and refused to be bullied at day care.
• You decided you could get in a pool and enjoy it (last year)
• You told someone on your own that you can’t have candy because you are allergic.
• You learned your ABC’s, Colors, Shapes, Letter Sounds, Months of the year, Days of the week, Count to 10, Lower case letters early at age 3
• You played at the park without having an asthma attack
• You went on a nature walk and didn’t scream when something got on you.
• You allowed someone to cut your hair without screaming bloody murder (2 months ago)
• My heart leaps for joy every time you make a friend
• my heart leaps for joy every time I see your face.

My list could go on forever.